Interestingly enough, based on us alone, we are bound to wrath, to destruction. Isn’t that your own experience without God. Chaos, destruction, despair, insatiable appetites for things that don’t satisfy or fill. Once God intervenes, calls, softens or intercedes in your life, the direction changes. Because HE has PURSUED you first. So in Ephesians 2:4, we see those mighty words “BUT GOD”. We were doomed, But God. We were lost, but God. We were pursuing other things, But God. But God pursued us. He pursued me and in so doing, energized, enabled, enticed, encouraged me to pursue Him, something that I could not do on my own.  God interceded through His Son, who came down, lived a perfect life, paid my penalty for my sin, was resurrected on the third day and went back to the Father.  Jesus did this to glorify the Father and to fulfill God’s sovereign plan, and in so doing, enabled me to be at peace with God that I might pursue Him as He enables.

So, as for Continuous Pursuit, I can only continuously pursue Him because of His Initial and Continuous Pursuit of me.

During the sermon this week, Pastor Marc preached through Luke 22:31-38.  Awesome stuff.  12 years in church and I have not been able to put all these pieces together to understand prayer and priesthood and how that all ties together and provides us access to God.  Many, many implications to this.  It was like Synapses Lighting up in my brain.  Illumination.  I love those moments and I love the aftermath as the word comes alive again in so many ways as you see deeper into the truths that are held within the word, often right in front of you.

What did I come away with?  several things…

Jesus is my intercessor, mediator, and that is why we pray through Him.

Jesus has continuous, not limited access to the father.  The human priests he “replaced” when he went back to the father only had one day a year to approach God in the holiest of holies.  Jesus is there all the time.

Prayer is not something we “have to do”, it is something we get to do, it is a privilege, an honor, a delight.  It should amaze us, often it does not.  I think because I have not fully (and still don’t) understand it.  But greater understanding brings more hope and desire.

I love learning and I love hearing God’s word proclaimed.

Likewise, I think it is interesting that many of us lose track of what it is to have God grow things in and through us through the planting of “seeds”.  A conversation here, an experience there.  These things over time, with watering and fertilizing, and trials and tribulations bring forth growth.  Growth into unexpected areas that one doesn’t expect, nor does one possibly even desire.  Thus it is with me.  12 years into my Christian life, I have watched workers come and go into the field for the harvest.  I marveled at them, amazed at what they were doing.  Longing to be able to see and believe and let go like they have.  Conversations, Dinners, Hospitality, Housing, Giving, Supporting, Small trips, Divine Appointments… all these things have contributed through God’s sovereign grace and providence to bring me to the point where I have considered breaking loose, jumping into the void and pray that God would catch me.  And it’s not just me that jumps, it is our whole family.  My wife and 3 kids.  Yet that is where we are, considering work in another country, another continent, hoping to be used and to be used up for His purposes and not my own.  I’m insanely scared.  I’m crazily excited at the prospects.  I’m likely more than half way thru the life I have been given.  I’ve spent a lot of that time on me.  I have little time left to mess around climbing ladders, sitting in cubicles, worrying about Corporate America.  There are things to do, things to say, things to write.  And so, we have applied and we have moved further into the application process.  Who knows what will happen.  God.  He can close and open the doors as He wishes.  And so we pray and anticipate what He will do and where He will place us in this next phase.

From a few seeds comes growth, I just never imagined being a plant that would be transplanted.

download here…

I finally have assembled the tools to take showit slideshows and turn them straight into videos and dvd’s by using ShowitTransformer and ProShow Gold. It has opened up yet some other medium to offer.

we spent the weekend shooting a wedding in Yachats, Oregon.  it was a blast and it was beautiful.  Those pics should be up on line soon at her site.

The first book, which I just happened to pick up on a whim from a stack of gifted books from past Christmas times, is Bryson City Tales by Walt Larimore M.D. It is the story of a doctor’s first year coming to a small town in the smoky mountains. Honestly I was pleasantly surprised by this book. It is well written, funny, serious and emotional. Having grown up straddling between immersion in city life and familiar with country life and traditions of my parents, there were several parts of this book that brought tears and understanding and longing for those times again. There was the imagery of the outdoors, the no-nonsense ways of the locals, the feeling of the outsider being slowly accepted, even initiated. Country life and struggle, hospital action, family concerns, humor and sorrow all wrapped up. I’d recommend this book as a great recreational read. It would make a great movie, but they’d ruin it, so read it instead.

My second book of interest that I am right now in the final pages of reading is The Call by Os Guinness. Yes, related to the brewer of beer. The subtitle of the book is “finding and fulfilling the central purpose of your life”. This book is hands down one of the most influential books I have read as far as practical living and spirituality. It is from a Christian worldview and it goes to great length explaining some of the trends in culture today and exposing some of the great errors in past thought and teaching that has brought us to where we are today as a society and a culture, not just America, but the west as a whole. The premise of the book, if I have discovered it is that we have lost calling as a concept and purpose that guides our lives. This is primarily due to the fact that we have gone away from and done away with God. And basically calling makes no sense, in fact is not even possible if there is no caller. Instead we have changed the search for vocation to the search for what will make us money. We no longer do things in modernity because it just should be done or do it for the value of the thing or sake of the thing itself. We only do things based on the perceived profit and benefit. I believe that this is an excellent book for any reader of any background. It poses some interesting positions and viewpoints and deals with a variety of topics and historical events as well as philosophy and religion. Those not of the Christian faith might not easily take in all that Dr. Guinness puts forth here, but no matter what background you come from it challenges you to think about life, about meaning and about what it is that you were created for.

The third book of the summer that I have been reading is a classic. Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. Originally transcripts from a radio show that he did, they are adaptions of the radio show worked into book form. I have always enjoyed C.S. Lewis since I first read a young child the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. This book is more like a conversation you are having with Lewis, with him doing most of the talking and him anticipating some of your remarks. The chapters and short and the topics range all over life and religion. I believe he does a great job of explaining the core of Christianity to the non-believer and believer alike. He does not get into denominational traditions or issues, but just the core of what it means to be a Christian, and he brings a great apologetic and support against relativism and the popular thought that truth is relative and right and wrong are relative. Those are great awesome points and stir up great philosophical conversations with and between people. But as Lewis points out, relative truth and relative right and wrong are great until you personally are the one being wronged, or the one lied to or affected by someone else’s truth. Then all of a sudden we discover a standard that seems to be there across all peoples. The book goes from there. I’m just about finished.

The final book of summer was “confessions of a reformission rev. - Mark Driscoll“. This was a gripping book, a history and airing mistakes, disasters and successes of a church that started in Seattle in the 90’s and is now considered a mega-church with over 4000 weekly attenders. The pain and sacrifice of bringing the Gospel to Seattle, the learning and unlearning, the building and re-building, all this documented in this book by the founding pastor of Mars Hill Church (marshillchurch.org). Mark has a great ability to tell stories and get you right in the mix, as well as just let you feel the gut wrenching pain and the soaring satisfaction of success, all the while interjecting great humor and sarcasm among the gory details of building a church such as Mars Hill. He is frank and honest about people and about himself, about where they came from, about where they are and about where they are going and how. Anyone who wants to see and understand a glimpse of what it takes to truly be on mission and attempt to stay focused on that mission and learn and suffer a long the way should read this book. Then they should look at their own life, their own church, their own pastor and understand all that is going on that they don’t see, and then they should stop complaining about all the silly things that we complain about in church and get back on mission.

Well, that’s all that I’ve read this summer aside from some various readings in books of the bible. If you pick any up based on this, let me know how you like them. Peace out.

tomb

My issue also is a sort of OCD response that I have to such things as computer problems.  I seemingly cannot rest while we have an issue, I must resolve it.  I become increasingly agitated as the problem remains which makes me unapproachable and undesirable to be around, especially to my family.

Thanks be to God for those on the Internet willing to share their expertise and tools to get this fixed.

marching on.

What do I have to complain about? Not much. I have a beautiful wife that loves me. 3 children that I adore and love and they in return love me. I have a great job. I have great friends. I go to a great church. I live in a great neighborhood in an ok town. I have clean water in my tap to drink, cook and bathe with. I live in a great house. I make a great amount of money.

All those things should weigh in and make my life bright and sunny, blue skies, no rain. joy, joy, joy. But that is not my current experience.

So when I say hard, I mean hard in the sense that i am trying to figure out why I am where I am emotionally, spiritually, psychologically. Hard in the sense that my middle daughter has some emotional difficulties that I don’t feel equipped to handle, rather I feel I often make them worse. Hard in that I have no satisfaction in my job and the work that I do. Hard in that I desire to do something else, yet find that the change in jobs would bring about a change in income that I am not sure I am willing to accept right now.

There are many things at work here. I believe that God should be the center and core of my life. I don’t know that this is so. I strongly desire to follow Him with reckless abandon, but then there would be some discomfort. Where does that leave me? What does that mean? Moreover, what does that really look like with me, my wife and 3 kids?

I don’t believe that my satisfaction needs to come from my work. yet I find myself increasingly unsatisfied with the work that I am doing and I wonder what I should be doing? I wonder what God wants me to do? I have a desire to do something minstry related, whether that is pastoring or writing, or serving, I don’t know, but I have not been able to shake the feeling.

I have a desire to work in a more creative role as far as graphics and computers, yet I don’t know if that is a gift that wants to be released or if it is just me wanting to do something else? I wonder if I’m good enough? I wonder if I am deceiving myself? I wonder if I am losing my mind?

Am I disciplined enough to be in ministry? what type? If pastoral, would that become too repetitive, monotonous? writing and giving sermons week in and week out? Could I stand the pain and the sorrow? Could I be strong enough for the arrows? Do I have thick enough skin? Would I depend on God enough? Do I now? Would I be better as a speaker and a writer? Could I make it through Seminary? would my family?

Can I really discern what I need to do? What God is pushing me towards? I don’t know. Life is busy. My own corporate work. A photography business on the side. 3 kids. What is there room for?

I am scared to pursue some of my interests because I know that there are limitations and emptiness to them. I’m not sure if that is guilt. But if you love 3D graphics and most of your time is creating and experiencing 3D worlds and interactions, then isn’t that just a substitute for a real life? Is there really any eternal value in that at all? Is there any value in the corporate life?

I’m scared to get on a path because I am so flaky. So flighty. I am prone to do “this” for a while and then go and do “that” I don’t know how I will do pursuing something for a longer term. I learn quickly, I think I bore quickly too. How can I find something that serves me in both variety and in creativity.

Life becomes hard when it moves past the pursuit of survival into the pursuit of fulfillment and meaning. We are truly blessed here to even have this consideration. But it fails to make the decisions and the wondering any less severe.

I want to know what to do that will fulfill me. In doing that, I want it to glorify God, not just be something that I want to do for me.

God help me find something that matches both my desire for you and for art and creativity you have given me. Help me use it for your glory. Help me find something with variety, that your glory would be shown in a multitude of ways. God help me. Amen.

tom

There are fears to fight.  Fear of failure, fear of expectations, fear of rejection.  These things paralyze me into non-action.  It is easier to stay where I am, miserable, than to try to get out.  So, I have battles to wage, mainly against myself.  I have things to think through and compromises to consider.  I am at a hard place, and staying positive and focused is difficult because the obstacles seem so huge, so overwhelming, that I just want to go to sleep. As I have been going along, I’m tired.  And by the time I have time to write, nothing flows.  even now.  So I will post as I can.  Pray for me.  I am at a fork in the road.  I have already taken the one more traveled, will I take the one less?  That is a fear in itself.