been pretty busy. been thinking a lot. It is easy to tell others that God has you in a season for a purpose. Much harder to apply that to yourself. God has me in a season. sometimes it feels like a furnace. others it feels like a desert. I feel dry. out of touch. worn. I have had a rough year, but is has had joys. Only now the lows are prominent in my mind. God is working on me, changing me again. It is painful. I find continuously that I am not the man that I thought I was or felt I could be. In many ways this is good to see and know. In others, it is hard to bear. Can I be the friend I need to be? Can I be the father I am called to be? the husband? Lord I pray I am strong. I pray that I am equipped and submitted to your spirit. I pray that you might lead me through the darkness to the other side. Help me step out. not for my own glory. not so that I am recognized. I’m learning that is not worth it, nor am I worthy of that. But Lord, help me step out in areas that point people towards you. That by my weakness and error and failure, people would see you.

So much to learn. to do. to read. to hear. help me know and do the right things at the right time.

I praise you father. I have no other hope but you. let that not just be words, but the defining thought and meditation within me from day to day.

In Christ I pray.
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