Things are rushing by, all these things to do, shopping, parties, travel, finishing up work for the year. All these things that everyone is doing.

Stop. take a moment today. hug your child or your wife or your friend. think about the things that you are graced with every day. breath. sun. clouds. roof over your head. clothes on your back. family around you. friends. health. amusements. joy.

These things are not all you have achieved by your own. God is the provider of all things, not just trickling down from long ago, but today. He does what He pleases and He acts. Nothing happens with out His approval and nothing escapes His sight. You have what you have because He ordained it good for His purpose. If it were not so, you would not have it. not breath, not life, not stuff, not anything. We don’t deserve it.

Ah, but He gives grace, extends mercy and therefore, by the gift of His Son, Jesus, we have hope. That is why we celebrate Christmas. For God has removed all obstacles between us and Him with His Son Jesus whom He sent to pay the price for our sins. Without which, we would be subject to His wrath. Even one sin condemns us. But in His divine providence and grace and mercy, He has made it possible to be at peace with Him. For those that repent, turn from their sin, and believe on Jesus alone to save them (not their good works, not their thoughts, not their spirituality, not their intellect) they will escape the wrath of God.

This is why we celebrate Christmas. sure, there are all other distractions and historical reasons why we have celebrations this time of year, but they exist to distract you from the real reason. Jesus came to show the Glory of God by saving us who do not deserve it. How He did that is another post.

We have nothing of our own. God has the deed on the universe. He has given you all that you have. More, He has offered you peace with Him through His Son. think on that. then, with that in mind, enjoy this time of year, basking in the knowledge of God’s gift to those who would believe, and if you believe, show that love to others and let us not think so much about what we have, but about what we have been given.

1 Corinthians 4:7 For who sees anything different in you? What do you have that you did not receive? If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it? 8 Already you have all you want! Already you have become rich! Without us you have become kings! And would that you did reign, so that we might share the rule with you!

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God. How unsearchable are His judgements and inscrutable his ways.

well… I read this verse and like many verses I think that is pretty heavy. And it is. But like most verses, we need to think on them, consider them, consider the words, consider the context, consider what the author is discussing.

Here, look at what Paul has just completed discussing. What brought him to say this. It is true just on it’s own, but look at the context itself. Paul is not just talking about a nice big pretty picture of God. He has been talking about the Jews and their disobedience. But not just about that, but about it’s purpose in bringing gentiles to faith. that means that God purposed this hardening of His chosen people so that us gentiles, the other nations of the world, people from every tribe and tongue could be “grafted” into the family, into the vine. And not only that, He purposed their disobedience and purposed the mercy that we have been shown so that they might receive mercy. woooooooooo boy. Talk about a good and sovereign God. We are so quick to talk about us vs. them in any context and yet look at what we have been given, look what we have been shown. And it all works for one thing, not to make us look big, or feel special, but for us to recognize just how big God really is. not that we can of course, but it gets us thinking, and thinking about God and seeking truth are good things.

So, in light of all that, I say go back and read all of chapter 11, or maybe even back to 9 or 10 and then read forward to this verse. Then you get a picture of just how awesome God is and the expounding upon His greatness that Paul is doing here. You don’t just say “O the depth” if there isn’t any, and then you don’t just say riches and wisdom and knowledge of God. Often we talk about the riches of of knowing God and going after wisdom. But Paul is speaking specifically of these characteristics of God. God is rich, why? He owns everything. Nothing can be given to Him. God has all knowledge and all wisdom. And since He has all this, who are we, simple sinful men to question or reject His judgements. Or who are we to even consider trying to understand His ways. I looked up inscrutable –> Difficult to fathom or understand; impenetrable. That about sums it up. The problem is often that we judge God based on our ways, but we cannot even begin to understand His ways. We don’t know all things, and we are not inherently good, so to call Him into account is, well, absurd.

Oh that I might tremble and remember these things at all times. It would impact my life and those around me. But I forget. I fail, I get stuck on me. Lets all ask God for more grace and mercy in the area of recognizing Him as supreme. Lets not point at others and judge them on the basis that they don’t know Him, for we did not know Him at one time and He revealed Himself to us. there is nothing good in us that did that, that sought Him out. No, let’s take every opportunity to show grace, to show mercy, to forgive and to tell others of the hope that we have, just as was done for us, by Him, through those that follow Him. His ways are inscrutable. they don’t make sense, but they bring LIFE! eternal.

5 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope. 6 my soul waits for the Lord more than the watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.

to have patience. to wait on the Lord. We don’t have watchmen anymore, not in this sense of the word. Most of ours are electronic and technological rather than a human, staying up at the city wall, watching for danger, for attackers, for enemies. Late nights, waiting in the dark for the light of day, hoping that there is no danger lurking, no danger coming. fighting sleep and fatigue, trying to maintain alertness so that the city can be warned of danger or need. Waiting for the morning to come so that sight is clearer, so that dangers cannot be cloaked in darkness. Anticipation of the coming light of day, the end of the dangerous shift, the end of the edginess of responsibility and need to be alert. If I was on the watchman shift, I would be very excited for morning and the safety that the light brings and the release from the stress. More so is the writer here anticipating and waiting on the Lord. He reads His word and hopes in it. He waits. He anticipates. His very soul is waiting on the Lord. The light that makes the darkness flee.

Have hope in His word today. read it and find joy, truth and light.

I’ve been busy. I’ve been thinking, learning, spinning, avoiding, contemplating. I’ll be writing more, maybe. but probably not here. Here is an update and a view into my brain.

Kiana goes home tomorrow, back to her mother. I sad about this. Hopeful that things will work out, worried that they won’t and realizing that I am going to miss this child. It is a crazy situation, complex and difficult. One that we can’t fully discuss with anyone.

I thought we were doing something cool, something awesome, caring, charitable, something to be proud of. And we were doing all that. But it was much more than that, much more than my pride could have ever seen coming. God was more at work in me and in us than anything else.

Kiana and her time here made me realize that I am still very much a sinner. Not that I forgot, but it exposed it in different ways, different ways that I was prideful of, thinking that I am a good dad, that I have it all together and that I am in control. I’m not in control. I never was. God has used this in so many ways to crush me and where I was not crushed, my sin was exposed for me to figure out what to do with it, confess it or run with it. I am choosing to confess it.

Kiana is different than Brighton. She is not necessarily better or worse, just different. Difficult in many ways and easy in others.

God showed us we were doing something cool, that we were doing something for the mother, for Kiana, for ourselves, but really, ultimately, we were to be doing this for Him and His glory, not our own.

God showed me how I view Him through my interaction with Kiana. God showed me how I gravitate towards His harshness and not towards His love and grace. I fear resting on love and grace in that I might neglect obedience. God showed me that I view Him mainly as a discipliner rather than a gracious loving Father. I need to change, to balance that, keeping both in view. God will not change. God change me, now that you’ve shown me.

God showed me my impatience, my resident anger, my selfishness and selfcenteredness. He showed me how I was all about me and my schedule and my convenience. How frustrated I get when things don’t go my way. And now that she is leaving, I am just starting to break over that. Why do I take so long?

God showed me the beauty of children and their absorption of the environment around them. They become what they see. For nine months she saw other things that molded her and affected how she acted here. For 6 weeks she lived here and was affected by what she saw here. I have seen changes in her. In fact, she changes faster than I do. She responds faster than I do.

These are all hard things, tough things and it makes me frustrated with myself even more, to know that there is still so much sin in me, so much of me, so much flesh. Oh, but then I know that it makes me more dependent upon Him. May I never drift away from the truth that I need Him more and more the longer I walk with Him. My need does not lessen, it increases. I need more of Christ!

How I long to give her a good, safe and stable environment. i am not sure what will happen. I can only pray for her. I can only pray for me. I can only pray for us and for her mother and her situation and leave it in God’s hands. May God be glorified in what we have done here. May He be glorified in all that He allows us to do from here on out and may we do these things for His glory and not our own. May His light shine through us to Kiana and her family and may we not forget what He has done in us through her.

May God be forever praised in this house. Amen.

As some have gathered, there is a new baby in our house these days. Her name is Kiana and she is a very precious child. Also, I recently came back from 9 days in France and that means that there has been a considerable amount of jetlag on my part. Jetlag and a changed environment do not make for a very happy me. And often I tend to forget that all this is not about me or my wants, but that all that we see and do is about God’s glory in one way or another. He is just that big.

So, in my tired grumpiness of jetlag, I have been trying to take care of Kiana and my attitude has not been the best. She is a precious child, but when she becomes tired or hungry, she lets you know. And me, well I am, as my wife would say, not wired for babies. That is to say, I expect them to exercise a lot more logic and deduction than they are actually capable of. So, when they are hungry and I am getting them a bottle, I would not expect them to cry and scream more until you get the bottle into their mouth, I would expect them to quiet down and be joyful in anticipation of the bottle that I am preparing to give them and will reach them in the next 20 seconds. Somehow this is not the way it turns out. They seem to expect the worst until things turn out better or until they trust you enough to realize that you are going to care for them and give them exactly what you need. Hmmmmm, sounds suspiciously like God’s children’s response to Him most of the time.

Yesterday as I was praying about my poor attitude and seeming failure to adjust to all this new environment at home, God really impressed upon me somethings that I had not been realizing on my own. First, I am not here to live out the nice organized little schedule that I have put together in my mind for my daily and weekly life, nor am I here to be fulfilled by all that I can accomplish for my own image or success. I am here to serve and glorify God in my serving. I have not been doing that, but I have been whining and being frustrated about not having my way.

Now God really impacted me by showing me that I have been treating Kiana as I imagine Him treating me. I see Him as God and creator and provider and gracious, but I don’t, or haven’t really internalized the vast amount of Love and care and tenderness. I have in my mind I guess, a harsh God. I am thinking of the story of the master and the talents and the one man who was given one talent and he buried it because he thought the master was a harsh man. How dare I think of God this way who has graciously and lovingly and tenderly taken me through such a vast array of situations and experiences in my life and brougth me out alive and sane and ever more focused on Him. He impressed upon me that I am to see Him for all His attributes, not just the ones that I consider worthy of respect or appreciation or fearing, because He is all that He is, all the time. And if I am to display His glory and His likeness, then I am to be those other things too, loving, tender, caring, gracious, patient. For, He continued, haven’t I been all those things with you as you have cried and whined and screamed as I have prepared great things for you? Just like Kiana and me, God is preparing great things and plans and directions and often what I do is wiggle and whine and scream about how unfair or unjust or uncared for I am.

so, with all that in mind, Kiana and I are getting along much better. Why, not because she changed, but because i did. I am mindful of my attitude, of my body language, of my tension level and so I am able to provide for her and take her complaints without raising my level of frustration. Things you think I would know. Things you think I would not have to learn again. But God is continuing to reveal His nature and His glory to me, His grace and His love, His discipline and His justice. He is a great God. He is. As he has said, He is the great I AM. and, I am not. He is not who I think He is. He is not who I conceptualize Him to be, who I put together in my head. He is who He is, there is no other like Him. (Read Isaiah 40 onward). He is infinite, and we will spend a lifetime getting to know Him, an eternity being enamored by Him. Nothing else compares.