In the Bible, we see Jesus say these words as he completed the work that God had given Him to do.

Today, I finished a task that has been 4 years in process. It pales in comparison, no, it is not even in the same Universe as what Christ did, in fact I am ashamed to make any comparison at all. but it was a task that caused some discomfort, some struggle, some marital strife, some family stress.

What was this task you may ask… Well, I finally, 14 years after graduating highschool, finished my Bachelors degree.

I have been attending on line and I have only met one or two of my class mates through out that time since people attend from all over the globe.

Am I elated? Am I jumping for joy? No, I am tired, and in a way (a sick way) I am sad. I have liked the purpose and the focus, but now that I am done, what do I accomplish now. This is a question that needs to be answered, but not by me. I need to be sitting at God’s feet, asking Him for new direction on this. Funny how my last posts have been about my inability to do this and now that I really need to do it my past failures have embarrassed me from doing it now. It is funny how our silly human minds and fallen sinful nature does it’s best to keep us from God. God wants us to come no matter what. So go I shall.

The work is finished. The degree is complete, it is no longer a stumbling block or an excuse. Now to get down to the real issues… more to come. It is finished, but this is not the end, in a way… this is only the beginning.

It is finished…

In the bible, we see Jesus say these words as he completed the work that God had given Him to do.

Today, I finished a task that has been 4 years in process. It pales in comparison, no, it is not even in the same Universe as what Christ did, in fact I am ashamed to make any comparison at all. but it was a task that caused some discomfort, some struggle, some marital strife, some family stress.

What was this task you may ask… Well, I finally, 14 years after graduating highschool, finished my Bachelors degree.

I have been attending on line and I have only met one or two of my class mates through out that time since people attend from all over the globe.

Am I elated? Am I jumping for joy? No, I am tired, and in a way (a sick way) I am sad. I have liked the purpose and the focus, but now that I am done, what do I accomplish now. This is a question that needs to be answered, but not by me. I need to be sitting at God’s feet, asking Him for new direction on this. Funny how my last posts have been about my inability to do this and now that I really need to do it my past failures have embarrassed me from doing it now. It is funny how our silly human minds and fallen sinful nature does it’s best to keep us from God. God wants us to come no matter what. So go I shall.

The work is finished. The degree is complete, it is no longer a stumbling block or an excuse. Now to get down to the real issues… more to come. It is finished, but this is not the end, in a way… this is only the beginning.

So today was another fine day. Lots of planning and working and thinking and packing (we are moving at work). Getting prepared for next year is always a lot of work it seems.

I realize that I do a lot of judging and pre-judging and that I am not filled with a lot of Grace nor Mercy for many people. I seem to do this a lot and it is starting to really convict me. If God were to be that quick with judgement with me, I would have been dead long ago. However, He is merciful, grace giving and loving. How often do I look at Him as the Enforcer, the Discipliner, the Strict Lord. Although He is all those things, we must come to terms with His love for us, His Grace and His mercy. At the same time, we cannot forget that He is Holy, and unchanging. Although we float in the breeze and move from side to side on issues, He is steadfast, constant and secure. The only Rock on which to stand.

Which brings us back to yesterday… If He is all these things, and I can sit here and think about those things, then why do I not pursue Him more than I would pursue a relationship with my spouse, my child, my friends, my computer, my health… (place random god here). Honestly, I have been brought to an edge, a precipice, a fork in the road. I have been placed in front of a mirror, I have seen my thinking, my actions, my life and I have recognized that there is a key component missing. A fire, a desire, a delight in and for God. More than that, I see that I cannot produce that on my own, but wait, I cannot place the blame for that lack on God. I must blame the world, for that is my distraction. I also see that in making the choice to pursue God requires a cost, a sacrifice. Yes, I was wooed by God, my heart was softened to Him, I responded to His call by surrendering my life to Him. But although I have professed Jesus with my lips and I have lead a somewhat moral life with some correction and discipline, have I really submitted my life? Have I given up my comfort? Have I really given up anything to follow Him?

I am not flailing myself here. I have been struggling with the fact that I might be beating my self down as a wicked sinner and defeating any New Creation that God has created through Jesus Christ. However, I don’t think that is so. When I go back and I assess my last seven plus years as a “Christian”, I see that although I have grown a little in my understanding and knowledge of the Bible, my relationship with Him has not grown or expanded into a relationship that I pursue more than any other relationship here on earth. In fact, if anything, this relationship is probably lowest priority most of the time, except for times that I renew a committment or a duty that I must adhere to. Of course, I don’t intend for this to be so, and I have many, many excuses for why this is, but none suffice or stand up to the fact that I am lazy and comfortable and my flesh stubbornly refuses to make the small sacrifices of pulling up a chair or a mat or simply sitting on the floor at the masters feet and pursuing relationship with Him.

So What’s Missing? committment? somewhat. Sacrifice? definitely. Perspective? definitely. Whats more, talking about it just makes things a little harder.

When I was younger and not a believer, I often stated that I did not want to go to church or to follow Jesus because I knew that I did not want to play by the rules. Later, I didn’t want to get married because my parents split up, and well, what was the point if it just ended up in divorce. Well, making a commitment to God is difficult, submitting is difficult. For some reason for me, another difficulty is that I don’t want to make another promise that I might break. Haven’t I made enough already that I have broken and hurt others with. Honestly, there is a fear of the cost, a fear of the things that might happen, a fear that I would be a fool.

That is what is missing… a reckless abandon to run to God, to hold Him above all things and to throw all other cares, comforts and obstacles aside as you pursue Him and come to Him honestly, openly and knowing that He desires your worship, your praise and a relationship with you.

Now… will we make that decision. It is not one. it is many, it is constant, it is a constant rejection of the world and a constant, mindful realization that He is all that we need.

So today was another fine day. Lots of planning and working and thinking and packing (we are moving at work). Getting prepared for next year is always a lot of work it seems.

I realize that I do a lot of judging and pre-judging and that I am not filled with a lot of Grace nor Mercy for many people. I seem to do this a lot and it is starting to really convict me. If God were to be that quick with judgement with me, I would have been dead long ago. However, He is merciful, grace giving and loving. How often do I look at Him as the Enforcer, the Discipliner, the Strict Lord. Although He is all those things, we must come to terms with His love for us, His Grace and His mercy. At the same time, we cannot forget that He is Holy, and unchanging. Although we float in the breeze and move from side to side on issues, He is steadfast, constant and secure. The only Rock on which to stand.

Which brings us back to yesterday… If He is all these things, and I can sit here and think about those things, then why do I not pursue Him more than I would pursue a relationship with my spouse, my child, my friends, my computer, my health… (place random god here). Honestly, I have been brought to an edge, a precipice, a fork in the road. I have been placed in front of a mirror, I have seen my thinking, my actions, my life and I have recognized that there is a key component missing. A fire, a desire, a delight in and for God. More than that, I see that I cannot produce that on my own, but wait, I cannot place the blame for that lack on God. I must blame the world, for that is my distraction. I also see that in making the choice to pursue God requires a cost, a sacrifice. Yes, I was wooed by God, my heart was softened to Him, I responded to His call by surrendering my life to Him. But although I have professed Jesus with my lips and I have lead a somewhat moral life with some correction and discipline, have I really submitted my life? Have I given up my comfort? Have I really given up anything to follow Him?

I am not flailing myself here. I have been struggling with the fact that I might be beating my self down as a wicked sinner and defeating any New Creation that God has created through Jesus Christ. However, I don’t think that is so. When I go back and I assess my last seven plus years as a “Christian”, I see that although I have grown a little in my understanding and knowledge of the Bible, my relationship with Him has not grown or expanded into a relationship that I pursue more than any other relationship here on earth. In fact, if anything, this relationship is probably lowest priority most of the time, except for times that I renew a committment or a duty that I must adhere to. Of course, I don’t intend for this to be so, and I have many, many excuses for why this is, but none suffice or stand up to the fact that I am lazy and comfortable and my flesh stubbornly refuses to make the small sacrifices of pulling up a chair or a mat or simply sitting on the floor at the masters feet and pursuing relationship with Him.

So What’s Missing? committment? somewhat. Sacrifice? definitely. Perspective? definitely. Whats more, talking about it just makes things a little harder.

When I was younger and not a believer, I often stated that I did not want to go to church or to follow Jesus because I knew that I did not want to play by the rules. Later, I didn’t want to get married because my parents split up, and well, what was the point if it just ended up in divorce. Well, making a commitment to God is difficult, submitting is difficult. For some reason for me, another difficulty is that I don’t want to make another promise that I might break. Haven’t I made enough already that I have broken and hurt others with. Honestly, there is a fear of the cost, a fear of the things that might happen, a fear that I would be a fool.

That is what is missing… a reckless abandon to run to God, to hold Him above all things and to throw all other cares, comforts and obstacles aside as you pursue Him and come to Him honestly, openly and knowing that He desires your worship, your praise and a relationship with you.

Now… will we make that decision. It is not one. it is many, it is constant, it is a constant rejection of the world and a constant, mindful realization that He is all that we need.

Ok, so day 1. well back up a bit. day 2 of this Blog actually, but if we want to talk about heavier things, then this is actually like Day 12 of my attempt at the South Beach Diet. I lost 8 pounds in 8 days, but the second week is definitely harder than the first, since you lose a little steam and your choices seem to not have variety.

actually the secret is, constantly finding something new to try, new combinations and keep the menu shaken up.

Ok enough about the whole diet thing, that is not why we are here. We are here to really look at life and meaning and purpose and all that. The message this week was really rough at church. Piercing, hurting, tough, truth, life.

In discussing marriage, Johnny O. really hit us hard. We are not married to have good marriages and it is possible to have good marriages that are not glorifying to God. We are married for the simple reason of bringing Glory to God. All things are to the glory of God, all purpose is to that end. However, do we live like that, are we in our marriages like that? No, we pursue other things more than God, our spouse more than God, peace in our marriage more than God. Our spouses will not be ignored should we have something “better” to do than to spend time with them, that will cause immediate response. However, God patiently waits for us to sit at His feet in prayer and in relationship and we often run along on to other things, giving Him, Creator of all, little notice or little time.

I am convicted of this. I need to pursue Him, to spend time with Him, to understand Him, to know Him more than just the shallow knowledge that I have of Him now. How can I impact the world and lost souls if I do not know of what I profess? How can I love my wife in the way that she was meant to be loved if I do not Know Him first?

These are all hard questions. Harder still is the nagging one, do we even care? We know all these things, but will we sacrifice time? effort? humility? to get closer to our Creator, closer to Jesus Christ? Will we change to make that relationship that is more important above all, most important in our lives rather than a left over? That is the painful question because our flesh says no. Our pride says no. Yet, our soul cries out to do so.

more on this later…